The Biggest Loser

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Everyone that has lost a phone 5/+ times, will relate to this post. I realized:

1)Forget a retirement fund and money for fairy wedding. Not happening. Making a Finances for Replacement Phones fund, instead.

2)ALWAYS BACK UP DATA. ALWAYS.

3)PERIODICALLY DELETE QUESTIONABLE ITEMS FROM PHONE. ALWAYS.

4) Purchase neon-colored phone holder and STAPLE IT TO FOREHEAD, so that self will never lose sight of phone.

5)Realize that self won’t have to pine for boyfriend anymore as will have to visit Vodafone store and call operator so many times, that short-term relationship status, albeit a shitty one, will occur. And end with a breakup, hopefully by the end of a harrowing week.

5)That this is God’s way of inducing a no-Instagram, no-Evernote, no-Twitter, no-SubwaySurfer, no-Pinterest, no-Facebook, no-imgur, no-Reddit detox plan.

6) Also God’s way of forcing you o remember the current date, day and time.

7)On the upside, no one knows where you are.

8)Where you will be.

9)Or how to contact you.

10)Muahaha…

11…ha.

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